I'll Buy That For a Dollar - Your Name That Is

The grand master Chaz at Dustbury reports something I missed.

Last week, PETA offered twenty grand worth of soy products or something to the folks in Slaughterville, Oklahoma, in the hopes of persuading the town to change its name to "Veggieville".

There's more to it, and I don't want to steal his thunder, so do visit.

Can I get some Soy Crisps for changing my middle name to Cat? That's what I want to know. I guess Louise doesn't imply pain/death to animals, though, and I'm outta luck. So perhaps I have to change it to get it changed again?

I guess I have to settle for nickels (made 15 cents of PETA so far!) and address labels I can use for their humor value...sorta like paying bills in February with leftover Christmas stamps; it amuses me.

hln

Quote(s) of the Week

"People want to eat from the time they get up till the time they go to sleep. And by the way, no exercise, please," Romano said. "It's all about proportion, it's all about balance."

Source? Pasta fights back. Speaker? Michael Romano, executive chef of New York's Union Square Cafe.

My favorite brow-furrower from the article:

Colette Heimowitz, the Atkins organization's research director, denied that the Atkins Diet is risky or a fad. "It's amazing how Atkins is blamed for everything," she said by phone from New York.

"If people could have moderation in everything that'd be wonderful," Heimowitz said. "We wouldn't have this discussion. But people won't, they don't, they can't. They need other options to reach their weight goals."

They can't. I see. I guess I'll have to reverse my views on personal responsibility. I mean, how can you expect a human to live within his means financially, exercise, eat and drink responsibly, work for a living, and not use tobacco? Can't be done, Colette? Pleh.

hln

Coin-Op

I just got done flapping my ostrich wings for amusement (Joust - Shockwave emulation. Check it out - quite fun). Didn't score so well, so I stopped putting off blogging, and here I am.

And the first amusing story I find is about a coin-operated dude.

BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) -- French doctors were taken aback when they discovered the reason for a patient's sore, swollen belly: He had swallowed around 350 coins -- $650 worth -- along with assorted necklaces and needles.

The 62-year-old man came to the emergency room of Cholet General Hospital in western France in 2002. He had a history of major psychiatric illness, was suffering from stomach pain, and could not eat or move his bowels.

Sing along with me...here's a quarter, call someone who cares. (Or swallow it, I guess. A quarter swallowed's not a quarter spent? Neither a borrower nor lender be?)

hln

Singapore, Meet Portugal. Subtitle: Babies

Singapore seeks to procreate. And Portugal (or at least writers) decries the country's abortion laws.

Meanwhile, in Germany, you can hatch 'em.

hln

Soy Crisps - Product Review

I'm sure I've mentioned these in previous blog entries, but Nacho Cheese Soy Crisps are absolutely the bomb.

I think they're comparable to Dorito's - have a heck of a crunch to 'em. Plus, protein, baby, what every muscle grower needs. If you're monitoring carbs but not throwing them away altogether, also a good snack.

And this site I'm pointing to has them very darned cheap. In the grocery store, I pay $2.69. You can bet I'm placing an order soon...like after I save this.

hln

The Louis Armstrong Jazz Award

Back when I was in high school, the band director had some plaques in his office. One was the Louis Armstrong Jazz Award plaque which showed a dark bronze something - not sure what you call it - a likeness maybe? It was of his head and shoulders, and it had been hanging in the office for quite some time. Evidently, several years before I arrived at the school, the award ceased to be awarded (for lack of a better term). No jazz band - no need for a jazz award.

Louis' likeness on the plaque was a bit loose, too. So, as my own personal amusement, every time I would go in that office and be left to my own devices for a few moments, I'd turn him upside down. He was easy enough to right again, so no harm done. And it was kind of a dead plaque.

But, right before my senior year, my band director retired. That brought in a new band director, one with an affinity for jazz. And, seeing as I was primarily a trumpet player, I signed up. I was okay - just okay. My range on trumpet's not really suited for jazz. But I'll spoil it for you - I got the Louis Armstrong Jazz Award for 1989 - 1990. No, really, I did. Here's how.

We did this rendition of When I Fall In Love - you probably know it as a song from the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack. It had a flute solo in it, and, well, that was my secondary instrument, the one I actually played when I entered high school (but that's another long story that someday maybe I'll tell). So, sure, I'll play your flute solo, band director...and play trumpet on the rest of the songs.

If you're muscially inclined in the woodwind/brass arena, you'll know this is more difficult than it originally sounds, difficult to make both instruments (especially flute after playing trumpet) sound as they should. The embouchure (or mouth formation) for the two instruments is quite different - so much so that when I played piccolo for the high school's production of The Wiz the year before, I gave my trumpet up for a week before the performances. It was probably that act (the flute/trumpet switch for the solo) and the difficulty thereof that landed me the award.

Now someday I have to go back to see if my name's engraved. And the direction ole Louis faces, of course.

G'night.

hln

Three Cheers for Campbell

Another snack to add to my arsenal. Goldfish crackers are now acceptable!

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, the cheesy fish-shaped crackers familiar to most Americans, are about to undergo a major makeover, losing their artery-clogging transfatty acids.

Pepperidge Farm parent Campbell Soup Co. is set to announce the change at a food industry conference on Tuesday, marking the first such modification from a big branded cracker line. It comes amid heightened consumer awareness about health and rising obesity rates.

Instead, we get canola and sunflower oils. Much, much better.

Somebody want to buy me a bag of the pizza ones after the changeover? Mmm.

hln

What I Read Today

Still not really in a writing mood. That beal infestation - tough to beat. But, it's not gotten everyone yet, so check these posts out.

The Meatriarchy has an excellent post about what he sees as the problem with hockey today, and he proposes some good fixes. Someone get the NHL commissioner on the phone, please. I'd remember his name if my Blues weren't doing so horribly, I'm sure. Bettman or something like that?

Geek love, ah. Kinda like Brian's poem to me in Java a few years ago. Pixy Misa's got HTTPanties for you.

And I thought I had a weird dream last night... Actually, I did. I killed someone accidentally with a knife in my dream, but I turned myself in during the dream. Granted, it was two days later and after putting the body in the attic (and I worry about rotten pork?), but I don't think I was punished too badly by the authorities. I should've written this one down - this doozy of a dream. Anyway, LeeAnn wants to tell you all about the bagels. She's not afraid of carbohydrates.

According to Owen at Boots and Sabers, a group at Beloit college is pushing for gender-neutral bathrooms. Why, praytell, why? I mean, there're causes like save the Garanimals that are more worthy than this. Send these people to a gay bar instead! Problem solved - gender neutral bathrooms. Oh, wait. Time for another of Heather's bad graphics symbols.


And, last but not least, Frank J. warns us about our enemy, JohnK.

I must go burn some carbs now.

hln

Atkins Politics!

Confirmed. No autopsy on Dr. Atkins. I have long wondered that - whether one would be performed, but the man did have a history of heart disease, so I guess he wasn't going to open that can of worms.

Looks like some others did in reminding us of the late Dr. Atkins' cardiovascular system woes. And stirred up a hornet's nest in the meantime.

Atkins Nutritionals (and the widow Atkins) and a bunch of vegetarian doctors. Do you think that perhaps these folks would NEVER agree? I'm thinking that's the case.

Anyway, Yahoo's got an article about the craziness ensuing. It says things like this:

NEW YORK - Dr. Robert Atkins, whose popular diet stresses protein-rich meat and cheese over carbohydrates, weighed 258 pounds at his death and had a history of heart disease, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

Atkins died last April at age 72 after being injured in a fall on an icy street.

Before his death, he had suffered a heart attack, congestive heart failure and hypertension, The Wall Street Journal reported, citing a report by the city medical examiner.

At 258 pounds, the 6-foot-tall Atkins would have qualified as obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (news - web sites)'s body-mass index calculator.

You know, newspapers put all of that important info at the top, no? That stuff you JUST CAN'T MISS. If you walk away from the article having read only that, you don't get the whole picture. It later states that no autopsy was performed and that the conclusions were formed only by reviewing medical records created, presumably, when Dr. Atkins was still alive and about yapping about his diet.

For every assertion, the Atkins pharmaceuticals have a loud "BUT!" What that "BUT" is telling you, gentle readers, is that there's still a lot of money to be made with this low-carb diet stuff. As far as the origin of Dr. Atkins' cardiovascular issues, who knows? How likely is it for a human to get cardiomyopathy - or heart infection - as humans quoted in this article asserted caused Atkins' issues? 50,000 Americans have it, according to this website, which appears to be an offshoot of the National Institute of Health.

Okay, I'll buy that's possible. I don't know about likely, though. Hard to glean any facts out of this political mess. So that's what I'll diagnose the situation as - a political mess. So don't expect me to forgo my whole wheat pasta spaghetti for lunch.

hln

Beal

Beal. It rhymes with wheel, meal, steal, steel, feel, eel, teal, seal, deal, keel, Neal, peel, peal, veal, and spiel.

And I've got it, too. Susie has named my disease, you see. You know, that condition wherein one really DOES have the time (at least I DID) to churn out a few blog entries a day, but, see, she doesn't. At best, you may have one, and if it's like last night, well, as you see, just a mere sentence pointing to someone else's work. Someone who is unbealed.

Sigh. Back to work.

hln

Vocabulary Lessons: Phrases

Joe Carter of the evangelical outpost teaches us about semantics and Vietnam.

hln

Eat Chicken Day

Yes, on Saturday, the BBC reported that Thailand was holding National Eat Chicken Day.

Thousands watched as Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra fried chicken near the Grand Palace in the capital.

His aim, he said, was to tell the world that Thais have confidence in home-reared chicken.

Health experts say eating chicken meat and eggs is safe providing they are thoroughly cooked.

"I don't care if people love or hate me, but I ask that you love the country," the prime minister said in his radio address to the nation .

"If you don't eat chicken, people can't sell chickens, and they will lose their jobs. Everyone will have problems."

PETA's response, er responses.

hln

Cute Cat Moment

I got this from Val of Metro Animal. If you're cat friendly, you'll awwww.

http://www.kittyprints.com.

hln

Famous, Famous I Tell You

So, last week the flummoxed St. Louis Blues picked up aging (not maturing) left winger (no, wait, he's listed as a center now. Boggle.) Pascal Rheaume. Again.

Here's a bit of my e-mail to Jeff Gordon, talented local sportswriter. He published me. I'm published! Oh, wait, I do that publishing thing every day, don't I?

My reaction on hearing the (Rheaume) news from KMOX was maniacal laughter while rounding the corner of Marine and McKelvey. And that's dangerous while driving, by the way. The Blues are environmentally conscious with all of this recycling . . . you know that old saying about history and doom.

Yes, folks, here it is. And, here it is (about halfway down the page).

Just like Rheaume. Here he was 5 years ago, and here he is again. The Blues have this retro theme this year, maybe 50s or so? The players are playing as if they were born then.

hln

Shopper Scorned

Forgive me, readers, for I must rant.

The pork chops I meal-planned (verb, indeed) for dinner this evening were rotten. I lashed out at the grocery store...and removed them from consideration for my business for the next month. As I have done before. What I said:

Today is February 4, 2004. This is just another day, but it is also the day my household is slated to eat pork chops and green beans. For, you see, I purchased said items last weekend at your Maryland Heights store, and the pork chops, as you can see, clearly state "Sell by 2/4/04." Today is 2/4/04. The pork chops were properly refrigerated for the duration of their stay in my home.



Sell By, I have learned but obviously am a bad customer for I have not fully taken to heart, really means "ingest a few days before, preferably two at least." Your store has coined its own meaty euphemism, and, frankly, I'm quite tired of it.

No pork chops for my family this evening. These are rancid enough that your meat packaging department should have known better. One whiff, and I traded cellopane removal for photograph procurement. This has happened often enough and with a wide enough variety of meats (though primarily pork and chicken) that you have lost our business for the following month. It's happened before, and perhaps this time I'll not return. Your "Pride of the Farm" is now my "Pride of the Trash Can." Your $5.19 sticker price - unearned.

Am I angry? Yes, I'm angry. This has happened at three of your stores in the St. Louis area, multiple occasions. When I moved here almost 6 years ago, I lived near the Ladue Crossings store. Twice I tried to cook meat on the "Sell by" date. Bad idea, Customer. It occurred with chicken from your Breckenridge Ridge store, and I never returned. I live near the Dorsett and McKelvey store now, and have done 80% of my shopping at that store since my move to Maryland Heights almost 4 years ago. My average in weekly grocery expenditure is $150. In my former month boycott, you lost approximately $600 of my money. Small (but hopefully not rotten) potatoes, I'm sure.

When I was in graduate school in Columbia in the mid 90's, Schucks was the QUALITY store in town. Things change; Dierberg's is already making the cha-ching noise.

A former customer,

Heather Noggle
[address removed]

hln

LaRouche!

I think Brian has done the writing for both of us this evening. He recounts his 16 years of making fun of Lyndon LaRouche, and it's a very worthy read.

Leave your comments for him here...to make him wish he had comments.

hln

A Citizen Has Escaped From Rhythm Nation

Missed the Super Bowl. Got the score afterward and the "important info" of course. What an Escapade! And she did that All For You, you know. Nasty!

hln