By 50

I found this via Kelley of Suburban Blight. Thought I'd answer this list myself since I seem to be both boring lately and in a writing slump.

1. Say her age without hesitation.
All of the time. I'll show you my gray hairs, too.

2. Celebrate each birthday.
Well, of course!

3. Take better care of her body than she does her house.
Got this one down. My poor house suffers for it.

4. Do something that really scares her, just because it does.
Riding my bike on Olive when I'm just a couple of months past learning the clippy shoe thingees. Yep.

5. Stop waiting on her children.
My children meow.

6. If she`s still chauffeuring kids around, seize control of the radio.
N/A

7. Be able to name her senators and congressman.
Hmm - I think I'm missing one. Fortunately, I know the website of how to find them, so hopefully that counts for something.

8. Vote.
Almost always.

9. Know the difference between a stock and a mutual fund.
Not a problem. So many similarities, though - losing money...

10. Insist that doctors treat her with respect.
Got that one covered early. Lots of experience.

11. Stop smiling when she doesn`t feel like smiling.
Geez, I learned that at like 16.

12. Worship and obey her instincts.
Yes.

13. Drive a car she really likes.
1999 Mitsubishi Eclispe - big dog spoiler. Bright red. Covered.

14. Do something charitable that nobody knows about.
I'm not sure that the NOBODY point is covered...no, wait, it is.

15. Stop comparing herself to fashion models.
What are those again? Fitness models - yeah, okay, I should quit that because I look like the before of a Mesotech commercial when I make that comparison.

16. Get angry when it`s appropriate and not apologize.
Yes.

17. Distance herself from friends who take but don`t give.
Done. Wait, do I have friends?

18. Stay up late on occasion just to remember how it feels.
I probably have to schedule this one.

19. Decide that false modesty is tiresome.
Modest? Moi???

20. Ignore people who enjoy putting others down.
Covered.

21. Forgive her parents for their shortcomings.
My parents have shortcomings?

22. Forgive herself for past mistakes.
Mistakes are just life shapers - regret nothing so long as you don't repeat the bad stuff...especially if you're happy where you are today.

23. Know exactly how much money her family has in savings.
Almost to the penny.

24. Make sure her name is attached to all major assets.
Yep.

25. Quit deciding what she`ll do when she grows up.
Oh, ouch. That's a tough one. Can I retire when I grow up?

26. Floss regularly.
Have to. How else would I get the blackberry seeds out of my teeth?

27. Stop studying her face for new wrinkles.
What're wrinkles again?

28. Resist the urge to buy any face cream with the word "miracle" in the ad.
Is face cream sunscreen? No, wait, it's acne medicine, right?

29. Have the world`s most com- fortable or luxurious pajamas.
Oh yeah. Victoria's Secret.

30. Cease trying to please everyone. Abraham Lincoln was wrong. It may be possible to please all the people all the time, but you will kill yourself in the process.
I think I got over this pretty young. But not at work.

31. Master the art of being completely still.
That balance thing - I know.

32. Reconnect with siblings. Friends come and go but siblings are forever.
N/A.

33. Take up a sport she thought she was too old for.
AGAIN? What now?

34. trace of embarrassment.
I missed something here.

35. Know how to talk to an auto mechanic.
Uh oh - schedule that, Heather.

36. Pick the household chore she hates the most and assign it to someone else.
Yeah, cats - clean the toilets.

37. Buy something extravagant just because she wants it.
Do this too often.

38. Discard clothes that don`t fit. (You will probably never be, say, a size 6 again, and it`s okay.)
5 bags donated earlier this year.

39. Feel free to express an unpopular opinion.
I'd rather keep most of those to myself. Unless I feel strongly, of course.

40. Know how much life insurance she has.
Probably not enough.

41. Be comfortable confronting authority.
I fought the law, and the...law won. I probably fit this bill.

42. Stop saying yes when she wants to say no.
Done - long, long ago.

43. Be kind to her joints.
Yep - stretch. Luxurious baths. Keep the muscle around them strong.

44. Have a kitchen she enjoys cooking in.
Eh, not bad. I could use one of those island thingees.

45. Teach her husband to cook so if she should die first he doesn`t spend his remaining days eating tuna out of a can.
He can grill! And microwave!

46. Correct people who tell her that she looks good for her age by saying "This is what 50 looks like."
I have to wait a while for this one.

47. Take up an artistic pursuit such as painting or playing the piano without feeling silly about it.
Why would I feel silly. Okay - knitting MIGHT make me feel silly.

48. Boycott movies in which a 60-year-old actor romances a 21-year-old actress (just on principle).
If you want to - it should say.

49. Learn to love Jane Austen
Can I just watch the movies?

50. Give up the notion of being a "good girl" because she`s not a girl anymore.
Uh, okay.

All in all, an interesting list. The thing that has me most stymied is what my next sport's gonna be...

hln

Posted by hln at November 6, 2003 07:16 PM | Whimsy | TrackBack