October 07, 2003

Filthy Lie #5

Brian and I arose at 4:30 this morning to be at the gym by 5:00 a.m. We arrived on time, and though it was dark, I quickly recognized the small child's bike propped against the outside wall.

I said to Brian, "Glenn Reynolds." Brian frowned, "Really? He hasn't left me fan mail in a while." I scoffed, and we parted ways to work on different body parts.

I spotted the bike's "owner" hanging from the gym's Roman Chair. His left bicep sported a bright new tattoo. I stepped closer out of curiosity but still hoping not to interrupt the Puppy Blender's obvious concentration.

I squinted. Yes, that's right. It was a tattoo of PETA's LOGO!

I gasped and pointed, but I was so aghast that all I could say was "PETA!" Glenn finally noticed me and chuckled.

"Yes, PETA," said he. "They let me do an article for Slate and promised me free puppies if I give it a positive spin and sport this nifty tattoo."

Speechless. I was speechless. I dropped the 10 pound plate I was holding, narrowly missing my foot.

Glenn continued, "I think I have an in with the ELF, and that's good because I've been itching to try a mink julep."

What does one say to that? In my previous encounters with this man, I've been more eloquent, but, for now, the choice was clear. I must leave his company. I did an about face, kicked the fallen weight, exclaimed "YOW," and stormed off to find Brian.

This man is an enemy. He's an enemy of the people, and most certainly now we know he is an enemy of ALL animals.

Take heed and prepare.


Posted by hln at October 7, 2003 09:11 PM | Filthy Lies | TrackBack

"mink julep"


Argh! Lacto-nasal infusion!

Posted by: Harvey at October 8, 2003 05:24 PM