March 02, 2004

Bonfire of the Vanities - Week 35

It's the burning time of the week - the time for the best of the worst of the best to surface amongst some rather stinky flames.

Week 35. (Somebody get me a drumroll?)

First, visit Red Wheelbarrow for some roasted chicken (mmmm) and, wow, some roasted Ann Coulter. Jerry then tells us all about Inane Bill's teeth and threatens to roast Alan Greenspan, who runs away screaming. This is all in a pseudo-Oscar theme.

Quote of the post? "Alan Greenspan, in directing the Fed, wants to go on to direct Social Security, cell phone safety, and proper removal of stuck legos from your face after you fall asleep on them."

Owen of Boots and Sabers has way too much time and bad graphics software on his hands. He's missing a line in Missouri, too; I shouldn't even include his post. Where's the burning and the controversy? Sigh.

Quote of the post? "You are here->" (Left me little choice)

Michael Friedman talks all about hair and the lack thereof. Michael, kind soul that he is, offered the tagline "Michael Friedman explores the ancient Chinese art of comb overs." You know, I can't let him off that easily.

I'm including the picture instead of a quote. Caption contest anyone?


John Moore of Useful Fools enables Johnk to use has favorite f-word in a shadow caption.

But no mention of Treebeard.

Josh Cohen makes me squint with his site design. You should go squint, too. If you stare squintily long enough, you may see Princess Leia, too.

Oh, and then he links to a site for his book. [reading]. Ooh, Josh has four cats! You're right, Josh, this post is burning brightly enough to fuel Wyoming for a week.

Josh also commented on his submission and used the words "fellatio" and "Sean Hannity." (I know, Mom, I can't put THAT on my site, but I did remember to put the period within the quotes).

Alex Dunn tells us that he's a "grown ass man."

Andrew Ian Dodge (who has such a cool name - means he's bad for the Bonfire) talks about Venom. And he doesn't mean Kate, and that's my only point of reference.

"Of course, we all know why Colby likes 'em, because Cronos used to wear a hockey mask."

Harvey proclaims himself an angel. And then he breaks into song. Or something. And he manages to hyphenate innuendo-laden. But he blows it by writing in a circle, a Reynolds-dinner-to-be puppy chasing his tail.

Dave of Blogo Slovo presents us with a slow-loader. Blogspot's such a tease.

His post is about dried venison hide. I think there's a poem in that. Be sure to rhyme in "Bush lied" and end the thing with "people died." Then eat your tofu.

Nathan of The Argus discusses monkeys running wild and Earth's women. Yep.

Well, that's what I get out of it. He describes it as "Two weeks in a row, I let out strange facts about me to the world. Despite being a man, I'm apparently a closet lesbian, and now I let everyone know that monkey riots haunt my dreams." Yes, Nathan, but have you COUNTED the monkeys? That might explain everything.

Kin provides us with the litter's runt (shouldn't runty be a word - I think so). His son wants to be a father at 4.

MuNu's own Susie reviews some movies. I can't read her post because I may want to see these movies. So I'll pick random words and make something up.

"We used to have a chain called Belmont. A Belmont store was great. You could go in and come out with a can opener, 5 yards of flannel, a lamp shade, a dowel rod, Monopoly, shampoo, crayons, half a pound of Brach's candy, a Birthday card, a new bra and one plate to match your Corelle."

You see, this is a post about things you should buy together to make all the men in the store go "hmmmm." My Corelle was always plain white, so everything matched it.

MuNu's Snoozy Jim tells us his wife is getting shots for the puppy. Can she get shots for my cats, too? They hate them. I digress.

He brings Snoozebob to life. Run one, run all. Don't look back.

Bryan McAnally teaches us the proper use of the word "blaccent." Stun your friends!

Kiril Kundurazieff debates with the television while watching the Democratic Debate (did I just capitalize that? I did. I feel dirty).

"You know things aren't gonna be promising from the gitgo when Larry King tells his audience that we will benefit from learning who will lead this country for the next 4 years.

Um, Larry, dude....

Would you like to borrow my glasses, man?"

Sean of The American Mind begs for an Instalanche. Hey, if you have to do something for the Bonfire, begging's good. Even if it's not for _YOUR_ Instalanche. Hi, Glenn, remember me?

Can't leave out the Esteemed Spouse. He thinks that our government should claim it can teleport (or otherwise quickly remove) and thereby depose unpopular leaders or dictators. After all, isn't that what happened in Haiti? **Poof** Perhaps the VRWC can score on this one.

Eric of Classical Values provides this week's novel. It features Howard Stern, Crumb girls (and he's nice enough not to call me one) and many, many updates.

Ady from Ripe Bananas mistakes the Bonfire for the Carnival. Ady, you're a day off; you can retract your post if you like, though. Naaaa.

She titles her post "Nature Magazine Bias Watch - writer in British scientific journal thinks military ordnance is used when people get angry." But I call it "can't find because links are blogsplatted." Ady - meet Pixy Misa. Come on over to the dark side.

I think it's the PETA post, which always gets points with me. Ady, the PETA post can NEVER be your worst of the week. Visit it anyway.

And, rounding out this week's collection, Kevin of Wizbang! discusses Raiders of the Lost Ark but doesn't mention Toht. Doh! He thinks no one cares about his entry; I care.

Next week's Bonfire smolders at Pragmatic Conservatism.


Posted by hln at March 2, 2004 07:31 AM | Linkage/Kudos

This is Dave at Blogo Slovo. You don't have to search for my post, ya'll linked it properly and it works just fine.

Posted by: Dave at March 2, 2004 09:29 AM

Is my site design really that hard to see?

Posted by: J at March 3, 2004 07:56 AM

Ady would be welcome if she's interested.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at March 3, 2004 10:09 AM

Great job with the Bonfire! I'm feeling very toasty.

Posted by: Owen at March 3, 2004 12:20 PM

Heather - when are you going to get your Esteemed Spouse Brian to get his tush over to Haloscan & implement comments? I really wanted to leave an nice LOL! on his post, but couldn't.

Oh, and if a post makes me want to leave a LOL!, then obviously it's not Bonfire-worthy. Shame on him!

Posted by: Harvey at March 3, 2004 01:14 PM