January 14, 2004


Tuesday night. Brian and I are working back in the gym, which is completely overcrowded due to the fact it was January 13, 2004, and those resolutioners are still hard at it.

I'm a people watcher. I admit it. So when this chickadee strutted, er, walked by in her navel-baring black pantaloons that just happened to say "Juicy" in large white letters across the rump portion, I gave up the gawk.


Actually, I thought she was a bit on the skinny side. Can skinny be juicy? Is that possible? Is this advertising? Public relations? Non-subliminal messaging? Whom is she attempting to convince? Perhaps a reminder - affirmation when she clothes herself? I feel juicy, therefore I am?

So I make the obligatory snarky comment to the spouse, "Honey, I promise not to wear words across my ass." And I point. We all know pointing is rude.

In the locker room, Juicy's got said marked part parked in front of my locker. Yes, really, she does. Thanks, babe. I didn't really want to read your rear, but it was right there. Two syllables in front of my Master Lock. It brought to mind that old catchphrase for SizzleLean - "Move over bacon; now there's something meatier."

The real reason for a non-wordy ass? I'm afraid "Succulent" just might fit across mine. Or perhaps a whole sentence. Or, Hans might suggest a haiku.


Posted by hln at January 14, 2004 10:59 PM | Whimsy

Good call. One should not be wearing words across one's ass.

Posted by: homer jay at January 15, 2004 12:09 AM

Heather, it's not the length of the word, it's a question of which font you use. An Arial Narrow "succulent" is better than a Wide Latin "juicy".

And the only words I'm interested in seeing on a woman's ass are "Take me! Take me now!"

Posted by: Harvey at January 15, 2004 12:54 AM

Heather, you crack me up.

Posted by: Interested-Participant at January 15, 2004 03:35 AM

Haiku on your ass
Is poetry in motion -
If you're built for it.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at January 15, 2004 04:34 AM

So what did her butt say? Juicy, again?

I'm sorry, but a juicy ass sounds an awful lot like maybe she should see a doctor, or at least take some Pepto-Bismol.

Posted by: Victor at January 15, 2004 06:49 AM

This urge that people have to wear clothes that talk has always mystified me. I have seen the "Juicy" clothing and I must say I find it faintly nauseating. (I mean - shouldn't you save descriptions of bodily functions for your significant other - if they are interested...)

I have one t-shirt I will wear with a word on it - it says "Army" and I got it when my son graduated basic this summer. Other than that - my clothes do not speak. *g*

Posted by: Teresa at January 15, 2004 09:55 AM

I don't care about "talking" shirts - I have many (Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me. Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me. Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me. - THOSE kind of shirts). But some are overused. If I see another girl wearing a shirt with "Angel" or "Princess" on it, I'm gonna gouge out my eyes.

And if talking asses are bad on women, they are ENTIRELY unacceptable on men. I forget what store I was in, but I was looking for swim trunks. I found a pair that was exactly what I wanted: right size.... looked great.... the be-all, end-all of beachware.... but they had something written across the ass. I don't even recall what, but I hung them back up and left the store. I didn't even want to be seen in a place that sold something like that.

Posted by: Mike the Marine at January 15, 2004 10:55 AM

Pixy Misa: I don't want to see *anything* written across someone's ass, but I particularly don't want to see the words 'poetry in motion'.

Posted by: Nicholas Liu at January 15, 2004 11:14 AM

I think I need to start a shop selling haiku shorts.

Posted by: hans at January 15, 2004 11:47 AM

I can't believe I forgot to mention this: My ass-billboard sighting at my gym was a girl on a treadmill whose shorts proclaimed SEXY...and those shorts had enough room to include I'M TOO to the left and FOR MY SHORTS...IN MY WILDEST DREAMS! to the right.

I'm sorry, but in my book, something that freakin' wide ain't sexy. I know in some books it is, but not mine.

Posted by: Victor at January 15, 2004 12:55 PM

I dont know if you know or care, but 'Juicy' is a brand.... I see it on women/girls around my town all the time.... as for things printed on ones ass..... I'll agree with Homer Jay and just say, one shouldnt have things printed on ones ass.

Posted by: dviant at January 15, 2004 01:03 PM

My favorite, though, is the "Guess" T shirts. A response of "34B on a good day" will get you slapped almost every time....

Posted by: skeeter at January 16, 2004 01:27 AM

My favorite, though, is the "Guess" T shirts. A response of "34B on a good day" will get you slapped almost every time....

Posted by: skeeter at January 16, 2004 01:27 AM


Posted by: homebru at January 16, 2004 07:04 AM

Juicy is for peach
Ass is something you can ride.
Sometimes all day long.

In halcyon days
advertising stayed in front.
on luscious peach breasts.

Posted by: TheYeti at January 16, 2004 11:10 AM

I wonder if Juicy would've been offended if she had been called a 'chick'?

Posted by: RickinVa at January 16, 2004 09:17 PM