December 29, 2003

Blackfive and Good Drinking, Good Food, and Coleman Grills

I had the recent pleasure of interviewing the blogosphere's own Paratrooper of Love this last Friday. This will be a bit out of order and, well, disjointed, but it's more fun that way. The later the entry, the more alcohol was consumed, and so on, and so forth.

It began as naming good drinking cities. It went elsewhere but stayed mostly on topic; we tried to hit all 50 states.

  • Boston - "#3, home of Sam Adams."

  • Chicago - #1 - great! [interviewer thinks he's biased]

  • Milwaukee - [Has a #2 by it but my notes say that Brian says "no." I don't remember Matt giving it a'd that get there?]

  • Philly - "#11 - "Claim to fame - beef with fried cheese - I love it." [Interviewer cringes again]

  • Cleveland, St. Louis, Denver - [All get "ok" ratings.]

  • Boulder, CO - "Big party town if you have a big trust fund."

  • Ames, IA - "Not so horribly bad."

  • Ann Arbor's "Great."

  • Lansing - "Cheap."

  • Arizona - "Nothing there." I don't think we ever even got to towns.

  • Annapolis - "Top 20." [He has an ex-girlfriend there - Sherry (I gave her the nickname of "Cooking") who sings in a bar.]

  • DC - "No, but Georgetown" [censored]

  • Virginia - Richmond - "Too many Marines"

  • Texas - [he transitions to food yet again] - "good BBQ"

  • Austin, San Antonio - "Okay."

  • Dallas - "Overrated. Cowboys suck. It'd be good for the sport if Troy Aikman" [censored]

  • Tulsa - "Not such a bad drinking town." [Brian noted that "it's a slut backwards."]

  • Tahoe - "Pretty good place." [censored] "But the lake is beautiful."

  • Las Vegas - "Never been."

  • Nona Rosa, San Francisco - "Great. Ask for Chris if you go there."

  • Malibu, LA "Okay" [Interviewee ranks beer above random women in this conversation. He likes grills, though. Something was mentioned about Armorall and Salma Hayek. Matt said, "You can Armorall her, too." [I don't believe this was a euphemism; it would have to be censored then, and I don't have a notation.]

  • Portland, OR - "#25. As weird as San Francisco, but not as expensive, not as big."

  • Seattle's "Okay - good place." [Matt then went into tour-guide mode, mentioning Pioneer Square, Gasworks Park, Fremont Republic. He mentioned "diverse" and used the words business suit and Rastafarian.]

  • Vancouver - "Great drinking town." [More tour guide stuff - buildings, cobblestone streets.]

  • Missoula - "Kinda okay. Bottom 100. But if you're in Montana and you have to go somewhere, it's a good place to go. Helena, no."

  • Wyoming? "No." [Somehow we digressed to a skiing tangent. I have no context.]

  • Utah - "Mormons." [He'll pass. Maybe ski there someday.]

  • South Dakota - Badlands "Okay."

  • North Dakota - "All they can do is drink."

  • Omaha - "Buddy was a Guinness distributor. Pull off the highway. $2 filet mignon. I'll take 6." [More toury stuff - historic downtown, 1850, 1860, saloons.] "Nothing else to do. Eat steak and drink beer."

  • Kansas - "No."

  • Indiana - "No. Mr. Green's from Indiana. Yeah, Indiana, no."

  • Alaska - "Hmm."

  • Mobile's - "Not too bad."

  • Mississippi - "No."

  • Georgia - "Hard drinking in Georgia."

  • New Orleans. [censored] "Anywhere you go and they ask you if it's for here or to go - that's a good place."

  • Charleston - "Great drinking town. If I can clean out all the scotch in one bar, that's not a good thing."

  • North Carolina - "Okay if you like tattoo parlors and strip joints." [disclaimer: Matt wishes that the 82d Airborne not take offense.]

  • Tennessee - "Every town in Tennessee is a good drinking town."

  • Louisville - "Good town. A lot of colleges nearby. Cool pubs and breweries downtown. Good place to raise a family. [Matt contrasts with North Carolina and then censors himself.]

  • South Carolina - "SC pride - bumper stickers. You buy them in bars. Women in South Carolina wear stuff with Carolina on it, and they don't mean North Carolina. Charleston - more pubs than any other town in the south." [See previous section about scotch.]

  • Alabama - "I don't want to piss anybody off in Alabama, so we'll just skip Alabama."

  • Minneapolis - "Good. Nothing else to do except freeze your ass off. They drink a lot of vodka. Good Indian restaurants. Closing time is midnight. This is a problem unless you start drinking at 3 or 4."

  • Newport, Rhode Island - "Take a ferry out to Block Island. 45 minute ride. Great place. Lots of bars."

  • Connecticut - "Ex girlfriend there." [She drove him to a lot of drinking.] "Bethel is a good place. Good ice cream. Meg Ryan's from there. This is bad; she left Dennis Quaid."

  • Buffalo - "Buffalo Wings - Tin Lizzie's. Quite a few others. What the hell else are you gonna do?"

  • New York, New York - "Too expensive."

  • Portland, Maine - "#99. Not a bad place."

  • Santa Fe, Albuquerque - "Fun place." [Heather challenged to accurately spell Albuquerque correctly. Bluffs. Takes a drink of water instead of wine.] "Good restaurants and all of the restaurants have good bars. Really, really nice. Could raise a family there, but your kids couldn't spell Albuquerque." [Further, this spelling of Albuquerque is much simpler while sober.]

  • Boise - "Great frickin' town. Skiing, weather, mountains, beer - underrated. Raise a family there. Bruce Willis and Demi Moore."

  • New Jersey - Jersey Shore - "Right before Desert Storm, couldn't buy a drink there - always covered with a blessing."

  • San Juan, Puerto Rico - "Lots of Tequila. Brings out the evil twin."

  • [Interviewer cannot read her last bit of notes about the University of Illinois area - something about grills, not girls, drinking, no skiing, and the food sucks - Olive Garden being the best you can get there.]
And there you have it.


Posted by hln at December 29, 2003 07:56 AM | Whimsy

All this time, I thought Matt had a drinking problem. Apparently he was merely in training for the Olympic Drinking Medal.

I'm thinking he'll get the gold.

Great interview!

Posted by: Harvey at December 29, 2003 10:59 AM

Heh - when my daughter was a senior at Purdue, it was the year of the Rose Bowl. All the Purdue-ites who went to LA for the event, congregated at a particular bar. They ended up drinking the bar dry on New Year's Eve. Dry - no liquor left! So, if you're in Indiana the place to go is Harry's in West Lafayette where they teach 'em how to do it.

Sadly I had children so young that I never did figure out the bar situation in St. Louis. The problem being that if you are young and have kids, you don't have the money to go out, much less go out drinking.

Posted by: Teresa at December 29, 2003 11:35 AM

Nothing good in Alabama? Guess these classless shits never been to the FloraBama!

Posted by: _m2 at December 29, 2003 01:52 PM

Bah, there's great drinking in Mississippi, at least in Oxford.

Posted by: Chris Lawrence at December 29, 2003 07:06 PM

Wait, wait, wait - are you saying that Matt was drinking?

Frankly, I don't believe it.

Posted by: Mr. Green at December 29, 2003 08:31 PM

Teresa - You're right. As a Purdue grad I can vouch for Harry's. Friday afternoon (any Friday afternoon) was prime time and the window seats were the place to be. I spent many a brain cell with a long neck in one hand and chicken wings in the other.

Thanks for bringing back those memories.

Posted by: Scott at December 29, 2003 09:09 PM

Mr. Green, a Purdue grad, brought me to Wagners for beers and ribs one time so Indiana isn't all bad. Just a dig at Mr. Green...heh.

I believe my response as "No" for Mississippi is for not having any experience drinking in Miss. If the word no really bothers you, open a freaking bar in Mississippi and invite me.

Posted by: Blackfive at December 29, 2003 10:56 PM

Yeah, Indiana, no.

Blackfive talk with forked tongue.

Posted by: Victor at December 30, 2003 07:34 AM

Pah. There's few towns in the nation where you can't get good drinking, and that's usually only on Sundays.

Arizona? Nothing in Arizona? Tequila and the largest concentration of silicone in the country in Scottsdale?

Where every woman is a 5'8" blonde bombshell? What is he thinking?

I agree with Florbama's, though too many flyboy's. Of course, where else can you see soldiers parachuting into a courtyard to get free drinks?

Tampa, FL. Ybor. Year round Mardi Gras, 20,000 nightly, 50-80,00 on the weekends, 200,000 for Strawberry Festival. All in ten blocks

Hermosa Beach, CA The Pier. You've never seen woman so beautiful it hurts to look at them. And then take them home.

St. Cloud, Minnesota, for New Years. 0 Degrees but you look thin next to the natives.

Anywhere in Clearwater, FL. - Bikinis, Corona, and cheap beer. And Parrotheads.

Posted by: TheYeti at December 30, 2003 04:29 PM

Thanks TheYeti - I was making note on how great a Tampa/Clearwater is if your looking for fun.

As to Indiana, having spent a couple of 30 there I can promise there is nothing else to do BUT drink (oh and tip cows, but that's a whole 'nother post).

Posted by: Tammi at January 15, 2004 07:15 PM